In case the title didn’t give it away, this post is purely for venting purposes. I had a conversation yesterday with a long time friend of mine, that upset me. I’m not going to name any names, they know who they are, (if they even read this), but for the rest of you, let’s just say that I’ve known and been friends with this person for over 10 years, but we’ve been a bit out of touch recently. So, in their defense, they aren’t exactly familiar with the “new” me; however, their words did upset me and at the time I was too busy trying to maintain my composure to formulate my response.
Basically, we were discussing any and everything, like we always do, and somehow the subject of me having children came up. I admit, over the years, I’ve been a bit wishy-washy on the subject; sometimes I was sure I wanted them and sometimes I was positive that I didn’t. Mother nature has finally caught up with me and I finally feel like I would actually like to have a kid or two at some point. Not right now, but someday.
After I got done saying this, my friend asked, “How in the world do you think you could take care of a child? You can barely take care of yourself?!”.
It wasn’t said to be mean or hurtful, but it did hurt, especially since I’ve been working tirelessly to turn over a new leaf and my friend hasn’t really been around to see the changes I’ve made in my life. I guess I feel like they should actually take a good hard look at the changes I’ve made in my life before making such a harsh statement.
I’m working hard to better myself and my situation, and to be perfectly honest, I’ve done a darn good job so far. I’m not lying around in bed all day, I’m making myself get up, get dressed and do things, even on the days that it feels impossible. I’m not only exercising at least 4 times a week, I’m learning how to eat and yes, cook healthier. I’m working with a therapist to get through some of the mental/emotional issues that I have, and even learning to better control my temper. I’m not nearly as prone to temper tantrums as I once was, I’m practicing taking a step back and assessing a situation before I react. Yes, I still have days where getting up and getting dressed are about as much as I can do, but who doesn’t? EVERYONE has off days, not just me, not just people with chronic illnesses. Sure, those days may be a bit more frequent for those of us who have to count our spoons, but I am confident that I can handle it.
The truth is, that yes, I’ll need help, but isn’t that what husbands/fathers are for? It’s not like I’m planning on spontaneously spawning; I have a husband, who is more than capable of being a parent as well. On top of that, I have four wonderful parents (my own and my in-laws), who would make fantastic grandparents and I know would be more than thrilled to help out when needed.
Everyone who has ever become a parent knows that once you bring that extra life into the world, you have to rearrange things. You have to come up with new ways to deal with situations and new ways to do every day chores. Guess what? I’m already used to having to do that and I can be pretty creative when I need to be, I’m also not afraid or ashamed to ask for help when I need it. In my book, that puts me one step ahead of “normal” parents; they have to adjust to doing things differently.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say that my having children will be a cakewalk. I know that there will be difficulties that I can’t foresee, but that’s just life.
I’m simply saying that when the time comes, I feel confident that I have the ability, the tools and the determination to be a great mom, even with fibro.
Fighting Fibro with Fire 