Fighting Fibro with Fire

Wow. Where to even begin. It’s been a long freaking time since my last post, like three years. If I have any followers left, I’m sorry! Life happened. For real, I made a life, and now my own life is complicated and often difficult to navigate.

On top of fibromyalgia and keeping my own self alive, I now have a whole other person to manage. Thankfully, I have my amazing husband to help me balance things, but it’s still tough. Every day is a new lesson.

Keto is still our main way of life, but I’d be lying if I said we were anywhere near as strict about it as we were before I got pregnant. During the week, we’re pretty good about it, then the weekend comes and POOF! Chipotle and pizza just seem to appear 😬.

I’m honestly not sure where I’m even going with this, I just wanted to make a post to break the ice and get the words flowing again. Wish me luck!

When I last posted, I was so full of hope that I’d be thin and svelte in no time flat. Sadly, that has not happened. We’re about halfway through our fifth month on this way of eating and I’m down just 17 pounds. However, I am down 2 jeans sizes (from a 14 to a 10!!!!), which is amazing and I can’t get over how awesome I feel overall. I’m actually sleeping through the night most nights, (epic freaking win!), and I even wake up feeling mostly refreshed. Considering that previously, I was lucky to wake up feeling even slightly refreshed, I’m counting this as a major success. I also haven’t had any major flare ups since we made this lifestyle change. This isn’t to say that I’m totally pain free, but my pain on average is way down and my trigger points haven’t made any appearances in MONTHS.

Another major success I’ve encountered is that the cravings I used to have for horrible food, (chocolate/sugar/all the carbohydrates), have basically disappeared. I still want chocolate, but my cravings are now for Lily bars, which have no added sugar; they’re sweetened with stevia and erythritol. I also get random cravings for bacon, but since that is 100% keto friendly, I am ok with this.

What am I eating to make me feel so awesome? I’ll show you, but before I do, I’d like to explain my approach to keto. Chances are, if you’ve ever heard anything about a ketogenic diet, it was explained in a way that makes it sound like a fat free for all. It is high fat, this much is true, but I’m not eating sticks of butter or pounds of bacon every day. I like to call our approach the “neurotic clean keto”. We don’t eat any grains, legumes, (except the occasional peanut), or added sugars at all, which means very little of what we eat is premade or processed. I am constantly reading ingredient labels for hidden evils. The whole point of the ketogenic way of eating is to keep carbs extremely low, 20g per day or less. The carbs that we do eat come exclusively from vegetables, (mostly green, with the odd carrot), dairy, nuts and seeds.

Most days, I’m at 10-15g of net carbohydrates. I choose to count net carbs, (total carbs – fiber = net), rather than total carbs so that I have more room for vegetables and avocados! I have found that this approach helps keep me “regular” and keeps me full so I don’t gorge on fat or go too far over my calorie budget. I know that a lot of people only worry about their macros, (fat, protein, and carbohydrates), but if I don’t count my calories, I will over eat. This helps me stay accountable!

Enough explanations, on to the food!! Breakfasts are usually simple affairs with some combination of bacon and eggs, with the occasional veggie add in. This first picture is a simple salad of cabbage, celery, kale and a teensy bit of shredded carrot, that I pan seared just until the veggies started to wilt with over easy eggs and bacon.

Next, is a bacon, egg, and cheese “sandwich” using two over-hard eggs as the bread. Quick, easy, and tasty!

We don’t always do fancy breakfasts, most days it’s just a couple of eggs and some bacon. Some days we get extra fancy and make waffles or bagels with almond flour! Sadly, I don’t have a picture of the waffles, but I’ll take one next time we make them!

Oh, and don’t forget the coffee! There is ALWAYS coffee with a splash of heavy cream. Mmm.

I’ve fallen out of the habit of eating lunch, mostly because I’m just not hungry. When I did eat lunch, it was super simple: some salami and cheese most days. Maybe some salted almonds and a cheese stick or guacamole and celery. These days, I’m happy with a ginger-vinegar tonic. (Sounds gross, I know, but I swear it’s delicious!!). It keeps me full for several hours and is a great way to sneak in some extra electrolytes.

I’m out of time for today, but I’ll cover dinners, (and desserts!), soon!!

I need a moment to vent. 

I am sick and tired of seeing these “real women/men have…”, posts. Have we forgotten that there is beauty in diversity? Think for a moment how boring the world would be if we all looked exactly the same. Arguing over what we as individuals perceive as “beautiful” is as pointless as arguing over whether or not a person likes the flavor of strawberries. If you don’t like strawberries, fine! That just leaves more for me, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that you’re “wrong” for not liking strawberries or that simply by not liking strawberries you’re “shaming” those of us that do. 

I understand that the media has totally warped the public perception of beauty. Practically every image that we see on TV or in magazines has been photoshopped within an inch of its life. The people we see in advertisements, etc. are not “real” people; they are, at best, artistic interpretations of “real” people. This is a problem because it makes us criticize ourselves. We hold ourselves up to these “perfect” images and find ourselves lacking. We’re too fat, too thin, our teeth aren’t perfectly straight or we have too many freckles… The list is endless. My point is, out in the real world, no one can ever match up to these digitally enhanced images of “perfection”. No one. Not even the models that were in the original photograph. 

Imagine being that model: you go in for a photo shoot and it goes really well. Then the ad comes out and the pictures look nothing like you! They’ve taken 10lbs off of your frame, scrubbed away your laugh lines and your freckles, whitened your teeth… How must that feel to know that you, even with professional make up, hair and costumes weren’t good enough to make the final cut? 
The problem here is not with people as individuals, it’s with the media. So why is it that we attack each other? Instead of banding together to demand changes from the media, we sit at home and attack other individuals. Every single day I see posts on my Facebook feed about how some random person is “body shaming” one shape or another.
So what if Susie has been working really hard to lose weight? She isn’t doing it to offend you, she’s doing it for herself. She has every right to proclaim how thrilled she is to have finally reached her goal weight. Just because she makes a big deal about it does not mean that she is making an attempt to shame anyone else. Yet, here it is, plastered across my newsfeed because Katie got offended by Susie’s weight loss and felt the need to accuse Susie of “fat shaming”. Suddenly, total strangers are rallying against Susie and everyone is upset because she was proud of the changes she worked so hard to achieve and wanted to share her accomplishment. 
Why is this ok? Even if Susie is a celebrity of some sort, why are we attacking her? Did she say “only people who look like this are beautiful”? Even if she posted her before picture and made a comment about how awful she looked, that’s her personal opinion, about her own body. Having her own opinion makes her “real” in my book, no matter what shape or size she is; if she is happy with herself, who am I to tell her she’s wrong?
I whole heartedly agree that need to promote the idea that there is beauty in every shape, size and color, but attacking individual people because their personal view on beauty is not the way to do it. “Real” people have their own thoughts and their own feelings; have we forgotten that there is beauty in this as well? 

Over the weekend, I ran in the Shamrock 8k for the second time! I wish I could find a way to explain how much fun these events actually are without using scary words like “run” or “race”. It sounds intimidating, (and it can be), but once you’re there and actually moving, it’s a LOT of fun. There are people from all walks of life, every shape and size imaginable and they all share the same goal: crossing the finish line.  Everyone is excited, people are dressed up in crazy costumes and total strangers are cheering you on. Honestly, most of these races feel more like giant block parties where everyone just happens to be moving rather quickly. 

I always spend the first mile or two of a race questioning my sanity and cursing myself, (this time was no different!), but by the time I cross the finish line, I feel incredible. No matter how hard the run was or how much pain I’m in, at the end, I feel invincible simply because I did it. 

Once upon a time, a doctor told me that I could “probably have a mostly normal life”, and to be honest, he didn’t even seem to believe that when he was saying it. Before I had even turned 20, I was being told that I would spend the rest of my life in misery; that the best I could ever hope for was temporary relief and the possibility of a mostly normal life. Every time I went in to the doctor’s office, I had nurses and receptionists saying “but you’re so young!”, as though my entire life was already over. The worst part is, I believed them. I took their words as gospel and I believed that my life was going to be a living hell until the day I died. That would have been my reality, had I not realized one simple truth: the only one who could save me was myself. Disease or no, my happiness is and has always been in my own two hands. I realized that the only way to escape the hell I was living in was to fight. 

I choose to fight by putting one foot in front of the other. Every time I run in a race and cross that finish line, I win. It doesn’t matter that I will never be the fastest person there; the only thing that matters is that I fought my way through to the end. This time, my opponent was an 8k course along the Virginia Beach Boardwalk, my goal was to finish it in under 01:10:00. Last year, I completed this same race in 01:07:49; this year, I was a little bit slower, coming in at 01:08:09. I admit, I am a little bit bummed that I didn’t beat last year’s time, but that’s ok, there is always a next time! 

  

I want off the meds. All of them.

I was doing some research recently on one of the drugs I take to treat my fibro symptoms and it occurred to me that I’ve been on most of this stuff for so long that I don’t even remember what my original symptoms were. At this point, I am on 5 different drugs for the fibro; all of which have their own set of side effects.

When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia, my doctor only prescribed one medication, which I took at night, to help me sleep. Over the course of 10+ years, I’ve gone from simply having trouble sleeping to full blown insomnia at night and being completely exhausted during the day. (I have entertained the thought that maybe I’m actually a nocturnal creature trying to force myself to be diurnal, but I really don’t think that’s the problem.)

It’s like I’m caught in a vicious cycle:
– I can’t sleep. At night I take 2 different drugs to help me fall and stay asleep. Both of these medications list drowsiness, (duh), and other brain clogging issues as side effects.

– In the morning, I’m groggy. I literally can’t function until I take my 2 morning meds. Well, guess what? The morning meds both list “insomnia” as a side effect.

This is just a sample of the side effects I’m experiencing. Let’s not forget anxiety, depression and confusion… I can’t help but wonder how much of my “fibro fog” is being created by the medications I’m on.

My question is this: how do I know if I’m treating the fibromyalgia or just countering the side effects of the drugs with more drugs?

It seems to me that the only way to solve this conundrum is to go back to square one and see how I feel without any chemical interference. I admit that I find the idea utterly terrifying, however the list of side effects is even worse; not to mention that no one knows what this stuff does to you in the long run.

I haven’t decided yet how to go about getting off the meds, obviously, cold turkey is not only insane, but dangerous as well. I plan to discuss it with my doctor at my next visit, hopefully she will be willing to help. I have a sneaking suspicion that my idea is going to meet considerable resistance.

I don’t expect to be able to maintain a medication free lifestyle, I just want to see what actually needs to be treated. This isn’t going to be easy; it’s going to take a long time to get some of this stuff out of my system and re-learning how my body works without the chemicals is going to be tough, I know that. I also know that this is something I need to do in order to take control of my life.

Fibromyalgia sucks, and it is something that I have to live with, but I no longer believe that I have to live my life around it. Becoming active was just the first part of the battle; cutting through this drug induced haze is the next step. I know that there is a life outside of this illness and I won’t give up until I get there.

Today is a very special day for me, not because it’s my birthday, (which it actually is), but because after several failed attempts, I have finally made it to week 7 of the Couch to 5k training program I’ve been using. I’ve still got two more weeks in the program, but this is the farthest I’ve ever managed to make it. So, to celebrate my birthday, I decided to do something that I once believed impossible: I went for a solid 25 minute jog.

I know that to those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile this doesn’t sound like anything new, but it is. I’ve been doing interval training on and off for about the last year, but until this point, my longest, no break jogging streak was about 20 minutes. An additional 5 minutes doesn’t sound like anything impressive, but believe me, it can feel like an eternity.

I admit, I am slow jogger. My pace seems so slow that I hate calling myself a “runner”, because it feels like a lie. At this point, I consider a good “run” if manage a 13 minute mile. Speed, to me, is not important. Yes, I could probably run an 11 minute mile, but that’s as far as I would get. If I slow down and pace myself, I can go so much farther. I would rather slow down and power walk 5 miles than kill myself running 1. Maybe this isn’t the best tactic for a zombie apocalypse, but I’m not worrying about that right now. Eventually, I’ll start pushing for more speed, but for now, endurance is my focus.

Why endurance? Because I need it to be able to push through the bad days. When I’m running at my slow pace, I’m not just training my body, I’m training my mind as well. It takes a lot of effort for me to hold back and conserve my energy for a long run. It only took me about 30 years, but I am finally learning self control and patience, which I am able to use in other aspects of my life.

If it really is all about the journey, I’d rather take the slower route. Here’s to another year of fighting!